qt.

J-school made me make a website. Well, not really yet, but it made me buy a domain.

I remember working with html codes and tags like crazy back in freshman year of high school. I kind of take pride in that, but too bad I’d forgotten most of it now. I guess I’ll have to bring that back for my digital storytelling class.

Er, so anyway. www.jiyoonyu.com is the website. I shall start filling it with my stories and whatnot. But I’ve made a subdomain for different needs. One of them is for journaling on the Bible and God and anything else that follows. www.qt.jiyoonyu.com I thought it would be nice to share it with friends. I’m thinking I could ask others to post, too. Somewhere on WordPress, I know I can assign writing authority to others. Well, just a thought.

I’ll be posting pretty regularly. If anyone wants to post or just comment, or do nothing, welcome by me.

I never really liked end-of-years. As the digits approach the thirties of Decembers, I have a feeling of fearful anticipation. It feels like these special “days” should be flawless. It’s similar to the way I think holidays should be perfect. But they usually are not.

I’m sitting and watching December 29, 2010 fade, never to occur ever again. And for some strange reason, “death” dangles above my head making me constantly think about it. I really don’t know why this idea lingers on. Death. I don’t know if it’s fear, but I just feel uncomfortable. Death seems so easy. Dying is the one thing I’m 100% sure will happen to me. It’s such an everyday thing, and unless it happens within a close circle, the world passes by without paying much attention to it. But for the dead, once that moment is past, your spirit is at a fork in the road. Where would you go? Where after this short life here would you go? That is too big of an idea to grasp really, and I would rather not ponder upon it, but it is still here, its edge slightly visible in my peripheral vision.

I wonder what it’s like. To be out of this world and no longer bound by dimensions of time and space. And to just be remembered. I wonder what it’s like to face God. How would I respond? How would He approach me? I know I cannot escape from death, and if that’s the case, I would want to learn to be eager for it. For that will be the glorious rendezvous for which I’ve waited my whole life. But sometimes I wonder if I’m sure of that rendezvous happening. Sometimes I wonder if I will be chastised for having carried a false Christian belief without ever being sure of the Christ-given salvation. I think that’s the ultimate fear. But I must now wonder, will God leave me to fall away like that? Will God have brought me to Himself only to throw me away into the “fake-Christian” category? I need only to trust that He who began this life of faith will carry it out to completion.

home for five.

It has been five days since I got home. If I hadn’t changed the tickets, I would have arrived today. Two hours ago. That thought makes me cringe. Not so much because I’ve done a lot during the five days here (well, I have), but more so because I cannot imagine what I would have been doing by myself in Chicago for five long days.

Seoul is warmer than Chicago, I feel. Probably  because it doesn’t have to bear against the gushing wind from Lake Michigan strong enough to knock me over. Today, though, Seoul is -12.7 degrees Celsius. I wonder how much that is in Fahrenheit. I’m planning to stay indoors today.

I’ve been in recovery-mode during the less-than-a-week I’ve been here. Hanyak, chim, massages, etc. After the 14-hour flight that seemed to sap out all the energy in me (not to mention some annoying girl that had to tag along with me who kept talking and nudging me with her elbow), my face felt like sandpaper and my digestive system close to nonfunctioning. So as soon as I arrived, I’ve been subject to three “hospitals” – well, not really, but you get what I mean. Places I need to go regularly to get “better.”

Thanks to their efforts and ten different facial creams, my face is now like a baby’s butt. heee.

I also saw with my eyes a quantitative proof that I gained weight. I was 95lb at my brother’s wedding, so this means I gained x lbs over two months. That was kind of sad. But I’m still just trying to be stress-free. I have more opportunities to exercise and eat better here. I’ve been making use of our living room gym: a stationary bicycle; huge, frightening hula hoop with things inside that look like they can claw your tummy out; and those huge balls you see at the gym. Our treadmill is in the den but it’s too cold to use it out there. So we use that for drying flower leaves. Haha.

I also looked through photos of my parents’ Europe trip. They look amazing. I really need to visit Europe now.

I’m at a crossroads again regarding my hair. The lady I wanted to get a perm from said she’s not doing magic perm anymore. That kind of puts a halt on my plan to get magic and keep growing my hair. I am really close to just going and cutting it again. But it kind of defeats the purpose for which I grew it out. BJ oppa won’t be able to see me with long hair. Well, I still have time. I will decide soon, though.

What else. I need to start taking pictures now. I’ve been enjoying life without “having to do anything” and it has been good. I’ll try to take my camera around from now on. I’ll be at my grandparents’ tomorrow, at the dentist Friday, at Kwanghwamun in the afternoon with a friend, and at this kimchi-making ordeal this Saturday at my grandmother’s house. And church Sunday and family dinner again. Really, the rest of this week should be quite amusing.

Oh, yea. Grades are out. Thanks be to God, as always.

It feels really weird not talking with BJ every day. I sleep too early for him to talk with me after work, and when I do have time to call, it’s work hours. Well, today I got to talk with him for 10 minutes. Heheheheh. Thanks for picking up the phone even when you were busy. <3 hwaiting today.

*yawn*

For today, I think I will just enjoy being warm inside when it’s freezing outside. I should go play with the new espresso machine. It’s my dad’s new favorite toy. I’m going to try making a cup of cappuccino.  : )

공부는 재밌는 것이라고.

Likewise

“It’s so hard to hate you.”

I don’t really know what to make of that. But I’m thankful, I guess. At least it’s not “easy.”

돈

버스에서 흑인아저씨들이 그들만의 특유의 억양과 전혀 문법과는 상관없는 -메딜 선생들을 무척 헷갈리고 기분나쁘게 할 – 말로 떠드는걸 들었다. 누가 돈을 꿔갔는데 돌려줘야 한다는 내용이었는데 끝에가서는 “Ye, he owes me six bucks!” 하는 아저씨.  웃어버릴뻔 했다. 점심한끼 사먹을 돈 빌려줬나본데… 6불 가지고 다투고 있는 다 큰 어른들이었다.

순간 난 그 장면이 웃겼지만 어쩌다 내 자신을 돌아보게 됐다. 비행기 표 바꾸면서 페널티를 물어야 하는데 아침 내내 그 몇백불이 날 계속 괴롭히고 있었다. 계속 돈 생각을 하다보니까 내가 일해주고 못받은 돈도 기억이 나더군. 이렇게 사람이 살면서 돈에 꼬이고 돈에 잡혀 살게 되는구나 라는 생각도 들었다. 좀 슬픈 일이지만. 나도 그렇게 살고 있구나 싶었다. 돈따위 주님이 주시고 가져 가시는건데 왜 이렇게 집착을 하게 되는건지. 내가 이렇게 말하면서도 모르겠다 잘. 걱정안하고 살고싶은데. 걱정하기 시작하면 얼굴이 또 아파 올거라는게 느껴진다.

5일 앞당겨서 집에 간다고 생각했다가 다시 안그럴꺼라고 생각이 드니까 너무 기분이 더럽다. 얼마를 더 내던지 일찍 갈꺼다. 여기서 하루도 더 남아있고싶지 않다.

암튼. 현재로서는 여행사에서 빨리 연락이 오길 기다리는것 밖에는 할게 없고 그 시간동안 공부를 잘 하는게 내 몫이겠지.

~

_

_

2010년은 어떤 해였나 생각해봐야 할 때가 왔다.  으레 11월,12월이 되면 하는 일이지..

며칠만 지나면 땡스기빙 방학이고 하니 그때가서 더 자세하게 쓰겠지만 지금 간단하게는 2010년을 “쉽지 않은 년”  이라고 부르고 싶다. (엥? -_-)

쉽지 않았다.

하지만 불가능하지도 않았다.

한국에서 1월에 미국으로 돌아오고 중앙일보와 학원, 티칭을 하면서 절대 쉽지 않았고 ㅂㅂㅈ와 지내는것 또한 쉽지 않았다.

대학원 소식과 결정등.. 여름, 가을로 바뀌면서는 이사 준비 .. 그리고 벌써 시카고 와서 산지가 두달이 넘어간다. 이것 또한 쉽지 않았고 특히 하루 하루 배워서 나 혼자 어딘가 떨어뜨려놓고는 “now do it” 이런 식으로 적용시키게 만드는 저널리즘 학교. 밉지만 나에게 너무나도 특별한 도전거리를 주는 학교라 고맙다.

아무튼. 길어지면 안돼.. 공부해야하니까 지금은 이정도로 그냥 정리안된 상태로 놔둬야겠다..

조만간 다시 고칠께요.

For now, I guess I’ll be thinking about the year. Despite the challenges, it’s gonna be hard not to find something to be thankful for.

conditioned

Why do I have free time right now? It feels weird.

2년후에도 살아있는.

2008년 7월 18일에 Facebook 에 썼던 노트의 일부분이다. 그때 나는 UCLA 3학년을 마치고 한국에 가서 조선일보 인턴기자를 하고 있었다. 국제뉴스부에 들어가서 열심히 배우고 일해서 내 이름으로 첫 기사를 전국으로 내보내고 난 후에 나름 reflection-틱 하게 몇줄 끄적인 기억이 난다.

2년 전 저런 글을 쓸 수 있었다는것에 감사하고 2010년 지금도 나에게 저 문장이 똑같이 적용된다는것에 또 감사한다. 앞으로 어떻게 될 지 모르는 순간 순간의 삶을 살지만 하나님의 계획은 절대로. 절대로 흔들림 없고 낭비도 없이 철저하심을 알기에 정말 하루하루의 불확실함을 이길수 있고 즐길 수 있는것 같다.

앞으로 2년 후에도 저런 말을 할수 있겠지 – with greater conviction and obedience, I hope.

Thanks, God.

New fundraiser to boost youth services in Albany Park